With never fading adoration la douleur exquise
by TurquaTortle
Summary: In which an infatuated and very much terrified and envious young man decides that writing down his feelings are a better decision than saying them out loud… until it feels like he's going to explode from keeping quiet.
1. Louis: I think I like you (1 out of 5)

_I can't believe it, I can't belive me;_

 _I shouldn't have done it. But, tell me: is it ever easy to try not to adore even the tiniest action someone does when you're infatuated beyond hope?_

 _I personally think that the word 'love' is overused, and in most cases; mistakened with a simple, short-term per say 'crush'. I truly believe that the word 'crush' fits well when you're infatuated, because that's what happens when you confront someone about it; you get crushed, most of the time._

 _And other times, you feel like you're soaring through the softest clouds on the warmest days because who would've thought? You like them and they like you back._

 _Now I can't say that I ever got to experience the luxury of my previous statement, she left before I had the chance to. But, if I ever do muster up myself enough to ever tell her, I would without even a millisecond of doubt. It may seem dramatic, crazy, even…_

 _But I do think that I love her._

 _It won't stop. Every single time her eyes sparkle, brown and pretty with specks and streaks of copper shining when she's in the sun, my adoration only grows._

 _It was over, she said. She may have been referring to an accidental kiss that happened earlier this week, but to me, it felt as if she was trying to stop my feelings for her altogether. But if I ever get the chance to directly confront her about it, I know what I'm going to say, because it came straight from my heart:_

It's not over until I can look in your eyes without falling in love all over again.

 _With never fading adoration,_

 _Yours truly,_

 _Louis._


	2. Louis: I'm sure I do (2 out of 5)

_I don't think that I love you_

 _I know it._

 _Maybe if that man that can hold your hand and talk about your eyes wasn't there, I might not be such a coward. That sounds selfish, I know. Jealous, even; which is true. You want to know why?_

 _I get jealous because I'm afraid; afraid that that someone of yours can and will make you happier than I ever could. What if he takes you away from me? Forever? I'm selfish, I admit. But as much as I want to be the one instead of him; you're happy. That's what matters to me. But I can't help it; every day you do something that just makes me love you more and more and it's driving me insane. It hurts though, it really does._

 _Because each day, I love you more and more. Each day, I die a little…even more and more. It's eating at me. It physically hurts. It's overwhelming and I don't think that one can even put into words; the pain of loving someone that's already someone else's._

 _Does it look like I purposely fell for you? No. But do I ever want to take all these feelings I have for you and give it to someone else? No. I can't stop loving you, and I don't want to; but it kills me even more inside. It just feels like one day, I won't be able to take it anymore._

 _You love him, you obviously do. I can tell by the way your eyes light up like firecrackers every time he's even mentioned, even if it's just his name._

 _I sincerely apologize for kissing you in the library that day, it was uncalled for. But you just make it so hard to resist the urge to pepper your entire face with kisses and that time…you were just so happy. And that…reflected, I guess. I promise you that it won't happen again; I just couldn't help it that time. And 'that time' will hopefully not come again in the future, as much as my heart cries in agony of the thought. It's not an exaggeration, it really does. It's always been like that since…what happened._

 _I love you._

 _I love you, I love you and I love you._

 _I can't say it enough, because there would be no quantity that could ever even come close to the things you do to my heart when you do the simplest things; like smiling or laughing. Whenever you do those things, little by little, the world just seems brighter._

 _I know that I'll never be able to say this to your face, because I can't even look at you without melting into goo. And also the fact that you have a boyfriend, a boyfriend you're happy with. A man that lights up your world like you to mine. He doesn't walk behind you, letting you lead him, nor does in front of you, leading you; he simply walks beside you so that he can be there for you. That is what love is; not walking behind or in front of someone; but beside them so that they know you're there for them. And that makes you happy, I can tell._

 _I love you, and I want you to be mine, and only mine, every single day for the rest of my life but if you're happy with him; that's all that matters because while my heart may sting like salt on a fresh bruise, one broken heart is better than two. It's better, me being torn instead of you._

 _If you're happy, that's all that matters :)_

 _I can't ever say it enough, so I'm saying it again;_

 _I love you, I love you,_

 _I LOVE YOU ! ❤_

 _With never fading adoration,_

 _Yours Truly,_

 _Louis._


	3. Louis: Can I ask you something? (3 of 5)

**Im literally taking this from another fanfic of mine because it fits so well and that I totally can. The beginning's really corny and cringey because I literally took this out of another story of mine ok pls no h8**

 **who cares about timelines harry potter ftw**

 **AU in which Marie moves to Paris because her daughter's visits lessen due to work and Corinne has a brother and is dating an irrevelant balderdash by the name of Aaron and has a close friendship/bsm thing with Louis. 'kay, continue.**

 **( WeatherBug02 veRy sUbtLe cOuGh ahEm)**

 **bye**

* * *

Louis remained engrossed in a fiction novel, as usual whereas I opted for more Harry Potter. Nonetheless, I couldn't seem to concentrate on the printed words of one of my favorite books unlike my companion for the day- he was basically full of life as he ecstatically flipped through the cream colored pages. I stared at him in wonder for a moment before reaching over and grasping the handle of the warm mug, nearly emptying all of my hot chocolate.

I lean over to the boy, wondering if the book was as good as he made it seem. "What's that about?" I asked, pointing a finger at the page his eyes were currently trailing.

"It's only the start right now, but it's really good." Louis said, briefly glancing at me. He pointed his finger at a particular paragraph. "Right now I'm at the part where Trisha drags him out of bed, it's absolutely hilarious." I raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything knowing that comedy was something the brown-eyed boy adored to no end. The corners of my lips twitched at his wide grin and crinkly eyes.

I turned my attention to the Harry Potter book lonely sitting on my lap before deciding to flip it open to the last page I read. And needless to say, I got engrossed in the story faster than I thought I would've. I unconsciously mumbled lines to myself as I completely lost focus of the outside world. Hermione became my favorite female rather quickly, she was amazing. Harry and Ron were tied, both winning second place in my eyes. I was sure that I was lost in a daze as I read the interesting and mesmerizing plot lines and puns. I giggled lightly when a particular line set a comical image in my head.

"What's so funny?" Louis drowsily murmured, leaning over and resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Malfoy swaggered...did you literally just finish reading that entire book?"

"Mhmm, but there's five published ones all together, four more to go." The boy shrugged.

"Oh."

"…Yeah."

I hummed, and continued reading- or tried to as he quietly asked if I could read it out loud. When I asked why, a hint of amusement lacing my voice, he just smiled and buried his face into my shoulder. "M' too tired." His muffled voice replied a few seconds later. Chuckling, I obliged; attempting reading the rest of the pages. I licked my chapped lips and turned another page when his arms reached out and loosely wrapped themselves around my torso in an embrace, pulling me closer to him.

Instead of keeping his head on my shoulder as he did moments ago, he pressed his cheek to the side of my face, nose gently nudging my cheek as we continued reading. If I was going to be completely honest about it, I genuinely loved moments like this, when Lou was gleeful and it basically _radiated_ off of him instead of his usual but now lessening gloomy air. Content, I settled comfily in his arms. He lowly murmured something that I couldn't quite catch. I hummed questioningly, half-listening as I got caught up in the events of the particular chapter of the book. I felt the light graze of his fingertips right under my chin, but Hermione's character distracted me a tad too much for me to actually be aware of the situation. "What?" I murmured as my fingers quickly caught the edge of the page, turning it over.

"This." Was his one-worded, quick short reply before he tilted my head to face him and due to the fact that my mind was still at Hogwarts, I had little clue what was going on.

Why his face was close enough that it was brushing my nose.

Why I was staring directly into the coral blue sea of his eyes as he held a certain look etched onto his face.

And why I wasn't increasing the distance between us.

And why his lips softly landed on mine.

But that wasn't what shocked me. It wasn't what scared me to my bones. The fact that it felt so familiar, did.

He pulled away just a moment later, face and the tips of his ears flushing a deep red. Probably from embarrassment. Hopefully. But before I could continue with my thoughts, he interrupted me, practically _bombarding_ me with apologies. I nervously chuckled, knowing that there wasn't much truth in them; I could tell from the way the corners of his lips twitched and his face reddened. Yet, the only thing that I could keep my thoughts on was the rather strange familiarity from what had just happened and _not to mention_ the trace of cinnamon.

The troublesome and rather awkward air melted off of me within seconds when I refocused on his face as he flusteredly fumbled with his words, twisting his tongue in the process. I laughed softly as he raised both hands to his face in a futile attempt of hiding the color. "God, I'm such an idiot- I …I'm so sorry I don't know what came over me it just sort of happened I-"

"- It's fine. Let's just let go of it, it's over already; in the past. Let's just forget about it, yeah?" I laugh a little, cutting him off. His face briefly twists into a confused frown, as if wounded, but it quickly changes into a hesitant smile, a very small smile. A very hurt one.

"Yeah, yeah" He quickly replies, almost hastily. I guess a man's pride was gold in their eyes. "…sure." He adds a moment later, fiddling with the corners of his hardcover.

"Already all over it." I laugh, trying to ease the thick air, but it only thickens when I say so. He presses his lips together in a smile.

To say the least, the next time I saw him, when we chatted for a few minutes because he was on his way somewhere, I certainly didn't expect him to carry around a small notebook. Especially the type that always had papers falling out. It didn't surprise me when a few sheets fell out when he stepped up and out of the bus, but the things written inside did.

I only read one of the pages and both the sides, but that was already enough to make my heart sink to the floor like an anchor in the water.

 _I can't believe it, I can't belive_ me _;_

 _I shouldn't have done it. But, tell me: is it ever easy to try not to adore even the tiniest action someone does when you're infatuated beyond hope?_

 _I personally think that the word 'love' is overused, and in most cases; mistakened with a simple, short-term per say 'crush'. I truly believe that the word 'crush' fits well when you're infatuated, because that's what happens when you confront someone about it; you get crushed, most of the time. And other times, you feel like you're soaring through the softest clouds on the warmest days because who would've thought? You like them and they like you back._

 _Now I can't say that I ever got to experience the luxury of my previous statement, she left before I had the chance to. But, if I ever do muster up myself enough to ever tell her, I would without even a millisecond of doubt. It may seem dramatic, crazy, even…_

 _But I do think that I love her. It won't stop. Every single time her eyes sparkle, brown and pretty with specks and streaks of copper shining when she's in the sun, my adoration only grows._

 _It was over, she said. She may have been referring to an accidental kiss that happened earlier this week, but to me, it felt as if she was trying to stop my feelings for her altogether. But if I ever get the chance to directly confront her about it, I know what I'm going to say, because it came straight from my heart:_

" 'It's not over until I can look in your eyes without falling in love all over again.' " I murmured the part out as I slowed to a stop at my destination. Mum's new house. I feel guilty for two reasons;

A) I couldn't return his feelings.

B) I could never love Aaron as much as this boy loved me.

And both of those facts destroyed me inside.

I bit my upper lip, sighing as I folded the papers into a nest rectangle and set them in my handbag, knowing that I'd have to confront Louis some day. But the question that made my insides twist was, was that someday far in the future or a week from today? As the thought appeared in my mind, as did another question: what was I going to do about Aaron? The boy was far too sweet and I _do_ love him, I was just having mixed thoughts on my newfound information.

I walked up the short cobblestone pathway and grasped the wooden handle to the door, happy to be home and happy to try and relax even though my mind was relentless.

"Hey kiddo, how was your day?" My mother smiled sweetly from behind the kitchen counter, setting a tray over the furnace and peeling off her oven mitts. She frowned upon my distressed look. "Everything okay?" She asked, concerned, as she returned a few baking ingredients back to their spots on the shelves, dusting off her hands on her apron.

"Yeah," I smiled weakly, sitting down on one of the stools. "Just tired, I guess." I mumbled, rubbing my temples. To be frank: yes, it was _way_ tiring to think about the multiple ways a conversation would go, knowing that I had to return Louis' papers all the while trying to convince him that I didn't read any of it, even if the last part was a big fat lie. The worst part was; I was a terrible liar, he would see through me easily.

"Awe," Mum smiled sympathetically, picking up some dishes as she ran them under the basin. "Too bad, I was thinking of inviting Aaron to dinner." She sighed dramatically, causing me to giggle. But before I could make a statement, Tobias bursts through the kitchen door in his muddy shoes.

"Wassup." He commented as he reached for an apple set in a basket on the counter with his grime-coated fingers.

"Tobias! Wash your hands first." Mum muttered as she shook her head, drying her hands with a towel. The young boy stared at her for a moment and shrugged, rinsing his hands quickly, snatching the fruit with wet fingers, leaving a mess of water everywhere as mum ran a hand down her face in disapproval.

She smiled, though, nonetheless, leaning on the counter as she faced my brother, who lazily plopped down on the seat next to mine. "How was _your_ day?" She asked as the boy munched on his bite.

He swallowed, grinning, the missing tooth in his mouth evident as ever. "It was _awesome!_ " He nearly hollered. Amusement crossed mum's face as she relaxed a bit whereas I remained confused.

"Oh really?" Mum asked, resting her shin on her hands. "How so?"

Tobias bobbed his head up and down excitedly, setting his half eaten apple down on the counter. "Yeah, remember the baker guy…harry, I think." Mum nodded. "Turns out he has this really cool friend, we got along really fast even if he's like way older than me."

My eyebrows furrowed. So did mum's. "Oh." She said. "Well…" she awkwardly continued as I got myself a cup of orange juice. "How old, per say?" She asked as I sat down, both of us looking at my brother.

"Not that old, actually." Tobias said, scratching his chin and he used his apple to gesture to me. "Around Corinne's age." He stated as I decided to drink my juice, deciding to drown it completely instead.

"Oh. What's his name?" Mum asked as I briefly set my cup down, only to bring it to my lips again a moment later.

"Louis, I think." I nearly choked, but I managed to swallow my water even though I ended up coughing vigorously into my hand in shock. Both of them stated at me, mirroring my expression, though Tobias was more surprised.

"You know him?" He asked, scrunching up his face as he tilted his head to the side while mum patted my back as I tried to regain my breathing.

Clearing my throat, I sat straight again, reaching for my cup in hopes of not having to answer his question…it was …complicated, you could say. But Tobias, being the brat he is, snatched my cup away and drunk down the rest of the liquid. An action I found myself scrunching my nose at in disgust.

"So," The brown-noser continued, handing the cup to mum who set it aside, engrossed in completing this conversation. " _Do_ you know him? You sure sound like you do." I swear, with that grin on his face, he was thinking the _wrong_ things.

"Yeah, we're friends. We just bumped into each other on accident." I started, acting casual.

"Oh," Mum was definitely into this conversation like a highschool girl. This happens every time they find out that I have a friend from the opposite gender, and they always think that I'm about to drop the love of my life whenever I do. "When did you two meet?"

I avert my eyes. "Oh you know…when I first went to Paris." Mum grinned, immediately telling me to invite him for a meal sometime; this happens whenever I hang out with a guy, it's almost as if she wants me _not_ to be with Aaron, she seems desperate.

"Hey," Tobias piped up, taking my handbag and unzipping it as my eyes widened; _those paper's of Lou's were still in there._ "Do you have any mints?" He asked as he shoveled through the mess of stuff I have in there. "Or just goodies in general? I need." When I hastily replied with a _no,_ he gave me the most suspicious look of all time. "I don't believe you." He said, frowning. "When a man needs refreshments, a man needs refreshments." He said as he briefly paused to stare me down. His eyes immediately brightened up when he saw something in my _mess_ of belongings, when I was hoping it was a pack of gum, he just had to pull the papers out. Luckily, the one on top had no writing on the outside. He grinned impishly, waving it in front of me. "Wha's this?" He asked.

I frantically jumped out of my seat, making a grab for it. "Tobias that is none-" I nearly staggered."- of your business." I gasped insultingly as my face turned a red hue when, _out of everything he could have said, he comes up with the idea that it was ahem, 'Lewwiiiiisssssss' while trying to open the pages._ I made a grab for it again, thankfully ripping it out of his grasp as I grabbed my purse, crossing my arms as I set down, the three pages still in my hands and the red hue still on my cheeks.

He snickered, poking my face. Mum was obviously amused. "So, what is that? Hmm?" Tobias continued.

"Go take a bath you sweaty mess." I retorted.

"That still doesn't answer my question." He smiled cheekily. If this continued on, I was going to give these to Johanna the minute I stepped in that parlor. And the was going to be tonight. Right after I read the rest, that is.

"So what if it is?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"It is?" Mum yelled excitedly, clapping her hands on the table top. Her and Tobias both 'whooped' and did a high five. I rested my head in my hands. This is exactly why I keep my things to myself. Confidential.

"I _have_ to ask him about you, now!" Tobias yelled as he ran up the stairs to the bathroom. My face paled.

"don't you dare!" I yelled after him as mum chuckled. I forgot she was there. Well aware of the pages tucked under my arm, I decided that I should get going. Now.

"Well," mum dragged on as she slid into the seat that Tobias previously occupied. "Is it?" She asked like a freshman talking about prom dates. Her eyes dazzled. Embarrassed, I nodded, quickly adding a fable that it was just random notes about…stuff. And it was highly confidential. I glanced at the time. The grandfather clock's hands said that it was 6:17 pm. I should definitely either go find Johanna or go and seek refuge within the confines of my room. I chose the former.

"I should get going," I mumbled and got up from my seat, tucking the papers into my bag.

"Where to?"

"…l …to do some…stuff." I stiffly walked to the door and my mum's confused eyes trailed me. "I'll be back before seven!" I said as I shut the door, leaning back against it and letting out a relieved sigh.

As soon as I started walking, I pulled the papers out. I exhaled deeply, extremely confused.

The second page hurt far worse than the first one as I realized that they were letters to me, the type that you never send, just vent out to.

 _I don't think that I love you_

 _I know it._

 _Maybe if that man that can hold your hand and talk about your eyes wasn't there, I might not be such a coward. That sounds selfish, I know. Jealous, even; which is true. You want to know why?_

 _I get jealous because I'm afraid; afraid that that someone of yours can and will make you happier than I ever could. What if he takes you away from me? Forever? I'm selfish, I admit. But as much as I want to be the one instead of him; you're happy. That's what matters to me. But I can't help it; every day you do something that just makes me love you more and more and it's driving me insane. It hurts though, it really does._

 _Because each day, I love you more and more. Each day, I die a little…even more and more. It's eating at me. It physically hurts. It's overwhelming and I don't think that one can even put into words; the pain of loving someone that's already someone else's._

 _Does it look like I purposely fell for you? No. But do I ever want to take all these feelings I have for you and give it to someone else? No. I can't stop loving you, and I don't want to; but it kills me even more inside. It just feels like one day, I won't be able to take it anymore._

 _You love him, you obviously do. I can tell by the way your eyes light up like firecrackers every time he's even mentioned, even if it's just his name._

 _I sincerely apologize for kissing you in the library that day, it was uncalled for. But you just make it so hard to resist the urge to pepper your entire face with kisses and that time…you were just so happy. And that…reflected, I guess. I promise you that it won't happen again; I just couldn't help it that time. And 'that time' will hopefully not come again in the future, as much as my heart cries in agony of the thought. It's not an exaggeration, it really does. It's always been like that since…what happened._

 _I love you._

 _I love you, I love you and I love you._

 _I can't say it enough, because there would be no quantity that could ever even come close to the things you do to my heart when you do the simplest things; like smiling or laughing. Whenever you do those things, little by little, the world just seems brighter._

 _I know that I'll never be able to say this to your face, because I can't even look at you without melting into goo. And also the fact that you have a boyfriend, a boyfriend you're happy with. A man that lights up your world like you to mine. He doesn't walk behind you, letting you lead him, nor does in front of you, leading you; he simply walks beside you so that he can be there for you. That is what love is; not walking behind or in front of someone; but beside them so that they know you're there for them. And that makes you happy, I can tell._

 _I love you, and I want you to be mine, and only mine, every single day for the rest of my life but if you're happy with him; that's all that matters because while my heart may sting like salt on a fresh bruise, one broken heart is better than two. It's better, me being torn instead of you._

 _If you're happy, that's all that matters :)_

 _I can't ever say it enough, so I'm saying it again;_

 _I love you, I love you,_

 _I LOVE YOU ! ❤_

 _With never fading adoration,_

 _Yours Truly,_

 _Louis._

I couldn't do it,

I couldn't read the third one. Not after this. I can't.

I'm glad when I spot the Castle not far away, and I tuck the letters back into my bag, it felt like the longer I kept it in my hands, the longer it would burn through my skin. It actually tugged on my heart strings. I really did love Aaron, and that, bit by bit, every single day; that was the thing that keeps on killing Louis inside. He hurts due to me, yet still cares for me enough that my happiness came before his. It was dangerous if I was going to be honest. If he pushes his emotions aside for my sake for far too long…who knows what may happen.

Quickening my pace, I enter the mall; immediately searching for a bright Johanna. Luckily, my wish was granted rather fast as I spot the cozy little scousewife.

Sighing in relief as my bag weighed down on my shoulders, I trudged through the people and into the welcoming place

"Uhm, your Majesty!" I called out rather awkwardly, I had only met Louis' mum one time. If I had not been focusing on the writing etched into my mind, I would've seen her delighted look.

"Corinne, dear! Nice to see you again, what brings you here?" She asked. I unzipped my bag, taking out the letters …papers…whichever fit more. I handed them to her, trying not to focus on her confused look; face scrunched up as if she _knew_ what the writing said. I silently prayed that she didn't.

"Uh, Louis dropped these earlier today and I couldn't find him…so…" I explained as the lady took them, a soft smile now on her face as she thanked me, tucking them safely into her bag. My mind itched to know what the third one said. But that would leave a long time for awkwardness; I was leaving in a week. My fingertips itched dearly to hold the paper. Desperately.

Curiosity definitely killed the cat.

Just then the door swung open, and just as luck would have it; none other than Louis himself stood there, almost as surprised as I was. Johanna sweetly asked her son if he didn't mind walking me out as I was headed back to mum's as she had to attend a meeting in her ill husbands place.

I was a bit up ahead compared to the other two, but I didn't need to look back to know that Johanna handed her son the letters. And to answer the only question on my mind since I left home, I was definitely going to have to confront him earlier than expected. His mum turned and walked the opposite way and he jogged lightly to catch up to me.

"Hey," Louis scruffily murmured, scratching the back of his neck.

"Hi," I murmured back.

We walked in silence. It started raining. Heavily

Not wanting to get wet and possibly catch a cold, we took refuge under the safe roof of the boy's workplace. We sat on a wooden bench.

The papers where held surprisingly tightly in his dainty hands.

The thickness in the air could've been cut with a butcher's knife and it still wouldn't be sharp enough.

"I…mum said you had these?" Louis asked quietly, not tearing his eyes away from his writing. He seemed very tense about it, I couldn't blame him; if I were him, I would be too.

"Yeah." I nodded, dwindling my thumbs. There was a pregnant pause before my companion sighed sadly, almost as if he was a failure amongst a sea of people showered with golden medals. "I didn't read them, though." I added, letting the lie roll off my tongue to help try ease his nerves …or mine? Maybe even both. I saw his face and posture altogether relax a bit, he believed it. "It's your privacy; I respect that."

Correction: _'It's your privacy; I didn't respect that.'_

He looked over at me, a small, weak smile stretched across his face. "Thanks, I really appreciate that." He softly stated. I pressed my lips together in a tight smile.

"Hey, it's your personal stuff… not mine." I replied, causing his smile to widen, and only for my chest to tighten.

"Yeah," He coughed into his hand. He still seemed a little skeptical, but for the most part, he believed me. Believed my _lie._ And he had no idea. Should I mentally celebrate or mentally cry? I really, really couldn't decide. "Um…" He continued, trying to piece the wording correctly in his mind. "Y- you know…" I was genuinely interested in what he was going to say, but after a moment, he just sighed and chewed on his bottom lip. I egged him on. "Just…nevermind, okay? Forget about it." He said. I knew he was talking about his now abandoned statement (though, from the tone of his voice it sounded like a confession.) but for a reason I didn't know how to label; it felt as if he was talking about something else.

"Oh..." I trailed off, not really knowing how to continue the conversation. "Okay." I nodded after a moment of hesitation. "Aaron's coming by for the weekend." I blurted. It wasn't a lie. Louis' face went through a whirlwind of mixed expressions; from pure surprise to shocked blinking to a brief frown.

"Oh."

There was yet another pregnant pause.

I had a question nagging at my mind, it was almost unbearable. "Louis, I …I have a question to ask." He seemed confused at first, but then motioned for me to continue. "You don't have to tell me what or who it's about, but…" I pointed a finger at the papers tightly, _protectively,_ clutched in his hands. Here goes nothing. "Why are those papers so important to you? They're just papers." His breath hitched, almost as if he'd been shot. Was it a smart move to bring them up or was it downright idiotic? The latter, I'm sure.

He stared down at the lined pages with a strangely strong streak of emotion. "It's just that… they're…you know the letter things, right? The ones you just keep in a book of writing whenever you feel the need to get it all out?" I nod slowly, not quite understanding where this was headed. "Yeah, it's … _these_ ones in particular …they're about a person I care deeply about." The last seven words sunk into my mind and I froze. He didn't notice. "Someone I care…very much about." He murmured, the pad of his thumb grazing the sheet lightly. His attention briefly shifted to the starry sky, "Corinne, I have a question to ask you…" but they landed back onto the three pages back in his hands. He stared at the material in his hands with a countable amount of streaks of distress in his eyes. "Have you ever been in love?"

My breath hitched, I felt like I was shot.


	4. Corinne: Be a heartbreaker (4 out of 5)

**hi**

 **if you want it to be sadder listen to "Honeybee" by steam powered giraffe, the song is really bittersweet.**

 **after going back and reading "The Scarlett" I'm actually quite tempted to rewrite it under a different publish aha**

* * *

 _"Have you ever been in love?" The words slipped past his lips before I had the chance to comprehend our situation. And when I did, my breath hitched._

 _Had I just been emotionally shot?_

I froze as my chest tightened even more; if that was even possible. I slowly faced the man with the mixed expressions. His confused eyes met mine as I shakily asked, "Wh-…what do you mean?" He certainly couldn't have just asked that …but he did. I was well aware of the…affection he had for me but I never thought that he would try and speak of it- even if there was no direct mention of the sort. From the way he timidly looked at me for an answer, chewing on the side of his lip; I had made an assumption, one that I had no clue whether it was right or wrong.

"Have you ever been in love?" He repeated the question once again, but more feeble this time; quieter, as if regretting letting the question slip. His gaze was firmly set on the papers clutched in his hands on his lap, refusing to even open them. I couldn't really blame him for his anxious behavior, he was infatuated. I took a moment to think. Even if I had only known him for a year or so; yes, I did love Aaron- with all my heart. I loved him and I still do, though I had a feeling that my love for him could never be as deep as the young man's adoration for me. Sometimes you could love someone, but there will always be a person who loves someone more deeply and there will always be a person that's love for someone is far shallower. You can only feel for someone so much.

"I…" I hesitated for a brief moment. I could feel Louis' hopeful yet uncertain gaze on me, waiting for an answer. "Yes," I confidentally stated at long last. "Yes." I repeated, "If what I feel for Aaron isn't love, I have no idea what is." I could practically feel the man's deflation and confusion and hurt. I didn't want to say it; not at all…but I had to, as much as a beautiful lie would have been better to mask the painful truth.

"O-oh." He muttered, voice laced with distress. "In addition to what you just said…what do you think love is? Since it's exactly what you feel for him." The hint of acid in his last question was enough to wince at and through some miraculous spell, I didn't.

I paused for a moment, before sighing and letting it all out not daring to look at the man beside me even though I could feel his stare. "It's when you do something, such as making important decisions; they support you. They do not walk in front of you; leading you through it nor do they walk behind you, in your shadow…they simply walk beside you with their support, letting you do your own thing while being prepared to take action should something so wrong." I know that I partly quoted one of his writings, but in my heart, I completely agreed with it. "That's what love is," That's what he feels for me. "Being there by someone's side; through thick and thin." It wasn't an infatuation or brief adoration or something short-termed that he feels for me; it's pure genuine love.

One that I could not return.

And I could feel myself crumble slightly. ,my insides twisting again. "Well," Louis' voice brought me out of my thoughts. I lifted my gaze to his face. He was slightly frowning; eyebrows knitted close together in a frown, lip jutting out slightly, and the corners pulled down. I confusedly frowned. "I guess I won't be hearing from you for the weekend, then." Oh. I almost flinched at his bitter, cold tone.

"What? No.." I mumble, slightly hurt. I wouldn't ditch him just because my boyfriend would be visiting, no matter what his jealousy problem tells him.

He doesn't reply, but stares onwards, face hardened as he crosses his arms and chews on the inside of his cheek. I swallow guiltily and avert my gaze from him to my hands folded in my lap. I wish I could have regretted saying that.

Curse my mouth.

But the terrifying part was; as much as it hurt, unbearably so, I didn't regret the words slipping idly past my mouth at all. Even though lying to take away my companions pain would have been better for his emotions, it wouldn't have been better for the both of us.

Life wasn't a fairytale. I had someone I loved and as saddened, and infuriated as I was, it wasn't Louis. And I wasn't going to cut ties with my love just to please someone. I cast a sympathetic glance back at Louis before a wry chuckle passed my lips.

"Remember when we were stuck here for hours in the rain because you wanted to test a robot prototype and then it fell off of the table and you mourned it like a child?" I let out a laugh, almost cackling before I realized that he was truly upset about it that time and as I turned to apologize on behalf of my harsh humor, I froze. Even though I could still see traces of sadness in his eyes, a fond smile quirked at the corner of his lips as a look of rememberence glazed over his expression, a small chuckle passing his soft lips as we both stared at the desk in front of us where it had happened.

"Yeah," His voice was so soft and raspy I could have missed it in the wind had I not been listening carefully. "And then you had to drag me back before the thunder came, I think I was crying the whole time." A humorless laugh weaved its way into the tone of his voice as he said the last few words, reminiscing about the event that had happened what felt like ages ago.

The funny thing is, I remembered it perfectly.

It was exactly where we were at the moment, only, during that moment, Louis' eyes were sparking with life and uncontained excitement alongside wonder and high hopes as he tested a prototypical invention, blabbering open heartedly with the sweetest smile as he bashfully, and then shyly admitted how he wished it would work, thanking me for keeping him company as he did what he did best.

And then it failed. A wire or two were missing, and misplaced, or the cords were too jumbled up for it to fully articulate well.

Louis was crushed, his brows furrowing as he turned the mechanism over in his hand, using swift, precise yet gentle movements as he tried figuring out the problem, his lips jutted out a little as he concentrated on the improvising he would have to do before testing it out again. And much like the first time, it failed. So he tried again, as the sun blew out and clouds fogged over, lighting a few candles as he set his mind and heart on it. And when that failed, he broke down.

One could take a look at him from miles away, cradling the metallic object with such sorrow and despair and would think that his newborn was dead. And when he started sniffing, still crouching on his knees, I began to get concerned. He let it roll onto the dewy grass, and when I walked over to him in pure curiosity and concern, he latches onto my legs and holds on for dear life as he began sobbing as I pet his head and looked around awkwardly, not knowing what to do as I wasn't accustomed to his breakdowns when something he sets his heart into fails, despite all the assurance from Treville that it was normal for him to do so, only, mainly in private as he hated showing his emotional side, having mistaken it as a weakness.

And then, as it began raining, a few strokes of thunder blew out and I tried raising him onto his feet with a firm grip on his arms. I managed to drag him back to his uncle Treville, who laughed at how ridiculous his nephew, a grown man, was holding onto my waist with a tearful expression on his face like a child as he tried hiding his face in my shoulder, a pout of embarrassment on his face.

I fondly drew a breath at the memory.

It was back when there was nothing out of the blue, nothing to fear or be anxious to.

Back when there was no conflict between my friend and my love.

I glance back at my sorrowful companion who had been putting up an act of false happiness for the past half an hour, and then I sneak a brief glance at the letters held dear to his heart clutched in his all-but-calloused hands in his lap as I realize the hilarious predicament I was stuck in.

Being someone's sorrow and soul at the same time.

It was simple just to say it without meaning, it was simple just to ignore his feelings of admiration and love.

I wish it could have been as simple now, I think, chewing on the inside of my cheek as the drizzling rain represented how I felt.


	5. Louis: Congratulations (5 out of 5)

**AND IT'S A WRAP! I'm SO ECSTATIC RIGHT NOW IT's BEEN TWO YEARS AND I FINALLY FINISH A STORY HECK YEAH IM PUMPED**

 **anyway here's to y'all who live and breathe angst much like** **moi en ce moment, en ce moment ;)**

* * *

 _Chère ami porche Corinne,_

 _I heard that you got married today, and I'm sorry for not making it. Even if I despise Aaron because of my love for you, it's a cowardly move to avoid you altogether because of it. I apologize. It was foolish. And I'm sorry for not responding to your communiqué sooner. I was a bit busy with some meetings in Italy. I still remember how you wished to go there during our earlier years but I've tried to move on._

 _After all, I am a grown man; I should have moved on by now, I should have learned to stop my heart from yearning for just one more day with you. For one more chance in life where I could have been yours and you could have been mine._

 _Now enough about me, after all you're marrying Romerè, and as much as I envy him for scoring such a wonderful heart such as yours, he is a wonderful man who knows where to keep his mind, heart, hands, and head. He's a gentleman and would not oppose your wishes unless it is needed and I am sure that he will make a fine husband. And father in the near future._

 _I know it must be sudden to receive this, as the last time I saw you was two years ago when I was escorting you back before rain fell. I am not a blind man, as stupid as I am; I know you have read two of three of those letters. They were slightly crumpled. And I don't blame you; if someone wrote about me, I would be tempted to read it as well as much of a privacy invasion as it would have been._

 _And I know you wish to see the third one, and though you may have forgotten, I haven't. And I truly think that you deserve to know what foolish, younger me thought of you back then. It will be in the same envelope if you desire to see it, madame._

 _I would like to say what's been postponed, and the most important thing this letter holds; Congratulations._

 _And while getting married seems like the half way point in your life, it's just one of many milestones. It might be scary, getting accustomed to a new lifestyle, but it doesn't have to be. Just think of it as one of those missions you always loved going on. Sure, some parts are frightening, but there's always the exhilaration and the euphoria; that's what you feel when you're in love. And that's what you're supposed to feel when you're married as well. If it's too frightening, it's okay. Sit down. Take a breather. And let them know._

 _Sometimes, you might want to back down. Sometimes, you just have to push through. But if you feel that it isn't right, take action, regardless of how the other may feel. You should never sink down to let someone else float._

 _And remember what I wrote about love? How that it isn't to walk behind someone, letting them lead you, nor is it about walking in front of them, controlling or leading them, but beside them so that you can occasionally lend a hand when needed while also trusting them wholeheartedly without a doubt?_

 _That's my advice for you._

 _You're a kind, spirited, lovely person and Aaron is one lucky man and I hope he knows that he should cherish every moment with you and treat you like a queen._

 _Best regards,_

 _Louis._


	6. Bonus: Letter 3

**Here's letter #3 that teen-corinne was practically dying to see, hope you like it!**

* * *

 _I'm going to do it._

 _Im going to do it soon. And by soon, I mean next week._

 _Im going to pour everything from every gap and crevice of my heart and soul out to you about everything that is clouding my thoughts about you every second of the day and the things that boyfriend of yours isn't doing right._

 _It's obvious, and I do try and hide it but how am I supposed to hide the fact that I love you? I love every inch of you, you helped made my dreams come true. 'There's no place like home' they say, and guess what? You're my home._

 _A home is where your heart feels alright every second of everyday. Where it feels like it is going to explode from happiness almost every second I lay eyes on you. Home is where you can truly be yourself, where you don't have to put an act to please others. Home isn't a roof above your head with four walls. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is with you._

 _Ironically, you're also my poison._

 _Everytime I see you, I die a little more and more. Because I understand that you cannot be mine, as you're a fairytale I just yearn to hold close. I understand, but I cannot accept. I cannot accept and be alright with th fact that I can't make you as happy as he does, the one who's lips, heart, and soul are entitled to you. The one who makes you happier than when your deepest dreams come true._

 _And that is why i am distancing myself away from you. I'm just an embodiment of self destruction trying to find himself in this funny little world. And I'll be in Italy, taking my studies in physics in a top class university there. Ironic how even if I travel to other countries, something will always remind me of you._

 _Such as how, during your first and unofficial mission to rescue me, you posed as an Italian of high status with the last name pepperoni._

 _I don't understand how I fell for that._

 _Perhaps it is the ironic ways of infatuation and love._

 _After I tell you of my heart and the conditions you leave it in, I'll be leaving for my studies. I feel like the number of hours in one week is too little for me to tell you of how much I adore you. But maybe, it's enough for the most important details._

 _I shall see you soon._

 _With Never Fading Adoration,_

 _Louis_


End file.
